Benny Blanco’s Guide to Modern Romance: 8 Rules for Being a True Gentleman

In an era when modern relationships are often defined by fast-paced swipes and text exchanges, Benny Blanco is redefining what it means to be a true gentleman. Known for his incredible production work with artists like Ed Sheeran and Lana Del Rey, Benny has also become a social media sensation and, notably, a loving partner to one of the world’s most beloved stars, Selena Gomez. Their love story, which began in 2023, has captured hearts with its sincerity, playful spontaneity, and steadfast dedication.

Featured in PEOPLE’s 2024 Sexiest Man Alive issue, Benny opens up about his unique approach to life, love, and his secrets to creating unforgettable moments. He champions chivalry, authenticity, and an undeniable flair for creating experiences that are both extravagant and deeply personal. Here, we unpack Benny Blanco’s eight rules for being a modern gentleman who truly knows how to love, host, and live life to the fullest.

1. Learn How to Cook

Benny’s first rule is as straightforward as it is impactful: learn to cook. The way to someone’s heart often starts in the kitchen, and for Benny, that means mastering even the simplest dish to show you care. Cooking isn’t about perfection; it’s about effort and intention.

“If you’re terrible at cooking, [your partner will] like it because you did it,” says Benny. His cooking journey has included everything from perfecting homemade Taco Bell meat (with an “indistinguishable” taste, he boasts) to making deep-fried pickles for Selena. His secret? Listen to what your partner loves and learn to make it.

The key takeaway: Culinary skills aren’t just about feeding someone—they’re about showing love in a tangible, delicious way. Even if you don’t know how to make your partner’s favorite meal, get creative. “Don’t try to cook them what you want to eat. If you don’t know how to cook it—learn it.”

2. First Dates Should Be Experiences

When it comes to first impressions, Benny believes in the power of creating a memorable experience. “You want your partner to leave and be like, ‘Oh my God, I’m calling all my friends. This was the craziest thing,’” he shares. His advice is simple: go beyond the ordinary.

Benny doesn’t necessarily equate a standout date with emptying your bank account; instead, it’s about curating moments that make time fly and leave both parties eagerly awaiting the next meeting. He recalls the extravagant dates he and Selena have shared, such as when she rented out an entire botanical garden. On the flip side, sometimes it’s the simple, heartfelt gestures that leave the most impact, like recreating her favorite snack spread.

Pro tip: Thoughtful experiences don’t have to be complicated or costly. The most crucial element is attentiveness. Listen, engage, and build moments that resonate.

3. Dress with Confidence

Dressing well isn’t just about the labels or the price tags; it’s about authenticity and self-expression. “If you’re wearing the most expensive thing that just came out, you’re not fashionable. You’re just a person who happens to spend their money,” Benny explains. His unique style blends high fashion with thrift finds—whether it’s a vintage Prada jacket paired with a $10 Melrose Trading Post gem or, as he fondly shares, a cropped pink Dora the Explorer jacket.

Fashion tip from Benny: Mix high and low fashion to create your signature style. Confidence comes from dressing in a way that feels true to who you are, and sometimes, that means stepping out in bold, unconventional pieces.

For Benny, part of his confidence is also reflected in the fact that he’s comfortable sharing clothes with Selena. “I wouldn’t mind wearing a dress if it was a nice one. I do have a lot of heels. I love a heel. Women’s shoes are so good. Gentlemen wear women’s heels,” he states. Embrace the unexpected—confidence is key.

4. Self-Care Is a Must

Chivalry might be timeless, but self-care is non-negotiable in today’s world. “Don’t stink. Do all the stuff,” Benny quips, but he’s serious when it comes to maintaining good hygiene and skincare. His facialist, Lindsay from Artisan of Skin, is a critical part of his routine. “I do whatever she says,” he laughs, crediting her with transforming his skincare habits.

Interestingly, Benny has an unconventional take on showering, emphasizing that while he’s clean, he doesn’t believe in over-washing, which strips the skin’s natural oils. His fragrance preferences are just as unique: he aims to smell like a blend of tobacco and cotton candy, achieving a balance that’s “a little bit like man, a little bit feminine.”

Lesson learned: Self-care isn’t vanity; it’s about feeling and presenting your best self. Whether it’s maintaining glowing skin or finding a signature scent, a well-cared-for gentleman is always a more confident one.

5. Welcome Everyone into Your Home (within Reason)

A true gentleman knows how to host, and for Benny, hosting isn’t just a skill—it’s an art form. He revels in gathering diverse groups of people for themed dinner parties, believing that the most interesting conversations happen when unexpected combinations of guests come together.

“You want someone who writes songs sitting next to an 80-year-old florist,” Benny shares. His goal is to create “a little world” through thoughtful themes, menus, and playlists that transport guests. He even collaborates with friends who specialize in specific cuisines to create immersive experiences, such as Vietnamese dinners served with banana leaves.

Hosting tip: Curate your guest list thoughtfully, and think about how to make each person feel seen and engaged. Themed gatherings add flair, but at the core, it’s about making connections and creating shared memories.

6. Treat Your Mother Like a Queen

It’s often said that you can judge someone by how they treat their mother. For Benny, this rings true. “My mom’s my best friend,” he declares. Every Sunday is sacred—spent at the farmer’s market, cooking lunch, swimming, and swapping stories. A tradition of gifting her orchids every Mother’s Day has evolved into a room full of thriving blooms.

His advice is heartfelt: “Treat people how you’d want someone to treat your mom.” This empathy extends to his relationships with everyone, ensuring he acts with kindness, thoughtfulness, and respect.

7. Gift Giving Is an Art

Forget generic, last-minute gifts. Benny champions creativity and personalization. “Most of my gifts are handmade,” he says, recounting thoughtful gifts like framed memorabilia from special dates. The secret to meaningful gift-giving is listening and remembering small details.

Selena, he notes, follows the same philosophy. One of her most memorable gifts to Benny was a custom bear that played a loving voice message when squeezed. It was a thoughtful gesture that turned a challenging moment—being apart for an extended period—into a reassuring connection.

Key insight: Gifts don’t need to be expensive to be cherished. They need to be thoughtful and resonate with shared memories or unique moments.

8. Say No to Ghosting

In a world where ghosting has become normalized, Benny takes a firm stand against it. “You have to be demonic to fully ghost someone,” he jokes, but the sentiment is sincere. A gentleman should always aim for clear, compassionate communication. If a date isn’t a match, honest and kind closure is far better than silence.

He references his mom as a guiding compass for his interactions: “I always think whenever I’m doing anything like that, I’ll think about my mom and say, ‘How would I want someone to treat her?’”. This simple perspective fosters respect, accountability, and genuine kindness.

Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez: The Ultimate Power Couple

The relationship between Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez is a testament to the success of these rules. From their shared love of cooking, where Benny’s Taco Bell remakes have become a fan favorite, to extravagant yet deeply meaningful dates like renting out botanical gardens, their relationship showcases a blend of simplicity and grand gestures. It’s a love story filled with thoughtful gifts, laughter, and unwavering support.

Selena, for her part, has voiced her admiration for Benny’s grounded nature and authenticity. “It’s really important to meet someone that respects you,” she has said. The couple’s shared appreciation for life’s joys, from early morning conversations to public displays of affection at basketball games, exemplifies Benny’s philosophy: “Every day is the best day of my life.”

Conclusion: Embrace Benny Blanco’s Rules for a Fuller Life

Benny Blanco isn’t just a successful music producer; he’s a reminder that being a true gentleman in the modern world involves a mix of classic chivalry, self-care, and unabashed authenticity. His eight rules aren’t just for relationships—they’re guidelines for a richer, more meaningful life. From the joy of cooking to thoughtful gift-giving, Benny exemplifies how to blend charisma, kindness, and effort to create relationships that thrive.

Whether it’s taking a few minutes to truly listen on a date or perfecting your self-care regimen, Benny’s insights are practical and timeless. In his words, chivalry isn’t dead—it’s evolving.

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